Welp...

I wanted to explain the situation to all those who don't know the "why". It's kind of lengthy, but i'll try to keep it as short as possible. 

Note: My program requires you to have a 3.0 GPA by the end of didactic year to move forward to clinical year. During the didactic portion (first year), if you have a semester below a 3.0, you have the chance to bring that GPA back up to a 3.0 by the following semester. If you fail to do that, you are dismissed and brought before faculty (Committee of Academic Promotions) and from that point the faculty will hear you out and decide if they will readmit you, have you start the program completely over, or just kick you out. 

During didactic year, I struggled. The biggest learning curve I've probably ever had to deal with. Fall semester (first semester in PA school), I didn't do as well as I thought I would. My GPA fell below a 3.0 and I had to remediate Anatomy. After my remediation of Anatomy, my GPA went up to a 3.0 - although the overall GPA for my first semester stayed below a 3.0. 

During the following semester (spring), I had to get my GPA up above a 3.0. I wasn't too worried since I was meeting with tutors and my grades were improving greatly. During that semester I took a class called "behavioral science". The class grade was calculated based on our performance on three exams. The first and third test I got a B, but the second test being a complete outlier I failed miserably. I remember specifically Natalie and Ethan being up all night the night before that exam. That one test dropped my grade 11% and made it impossible to get a B in that course. The course ruined my GPA and brought me below a 3.0 (my GPA ended up being a 2.96). 

So I was sent to the CAP meeting. The faculty thankfully readmitted me. The stipulation was that I needed to have at least a 3.0 per term to continue forward in the program. 

Summer semester (last semester of didactic) - I did better. My GPA went up above a 3.0. So I finished my first year of PA school and wasn't worried about moving forward because the recently graduating class told our class not to worry about clinical portion due to the grading and how easy it would be to get As in the rotations. So I didn't worry. 

Two weeks before we started our rotations our faculty met with us and explained that they changed the entire clinical portion of our program. Starting with our class, we would be taking the end of rotation exams given by the PAEA. These are tests that several other schools use, but we would be compared nationally. At that time the school didn't even know how our grades would be calculated for such exams. The school doesn't have access to the questions on these exams, so they don't know exactly what we are tested on. The PAEA does have a topic list, that can help us while preparing for these tests. Our overall grade in the rotation would be calculated by three things. 

1. End of rotation exam score (40%). 

2. Preceptor evaluation (40%).

3. Assignment (20%)

Now the national average on the exams are extremely low. For example the ER end of rotation exam national average is a 72%. 

My first rotation (luck for me) was the ER. Typically during rotations preceptors (which can be a PA, NP, or MD/DO) will ask you questions. They refer to this as Pimping. So during my ER rotation, I was pimp'd on and off throughout. Now I wouldn't get every question right, but for the most part I got the majority right. After suturing patients, or putting on splints - my preceptor would always come in and after inspecting my work say, "Great job!". If I didn't know a question, I looked it up and told the preceptor later. I was constantly looking for things to do to help out. So to me, when I thought about my preceptor evaluation - I felt it would be an easy A. Cause I worked my tail off and couldn't think of anything else I could have done to be more productive or efficient. Well the rotation ended and I took my end of rotation exam. At this point in the program, the faculty told us they would accept one standard deviation from the national average as an acceptable score and we would pass the test. The lowest score being a 64%. These tests were very hard, and different than what we were used too. I scored below the national average (67%) for the ER exam, but I passed. I discussed with other students who took the ER exam, which they were both good students. One of them got a 69%, and the other got a 64%. So I faired well in comparison with the other students taking the same exam. The time came for me to receive my preceptor eval - I got an 80%. To my shock, I asked the faculty if she gave me any feedback. They told me that she didn't. I decided to email her (my preceptor) to ask how I could improve and do better in future rotations - she decided not to email me back and give me feedback, but decided to contact my program and let them know that she was upset that I emailed her.  On my assignment I got an 85%. So my overall grade ended up as a 76% (C). 

Now the first clinical rotation term only included Rotation 1 and rotation 2. So that meant if I got a C in rotation 1, I would need to get an A in rotation 2. If I got anything less than an A in rotation 2 - I would be kicked out. 

OBGYN, was my second rotation. I did well in it. Now, as you can all assume - not well enough, because I ended up with a B in my rotation. I got a 72% on my end of rotation exam, a 89.3% on my evaluation, and a 99% on my assignment. So my grade ended up being an 85% overall. 

The program told me Friday that I was dismissed and would have to go to the CAP meeting again to see if they would reinstate me. Now my GPA currently is a 2.94. I need a 3.0. During that Friday meeting I spoke with the faculty about maybe retaking my PAEA exams to see if I did better - which they declined because I already passed those exams and didn't qualify to retake them. 

During my ER rotation I worked with 4 different PAs. One of the PAs, took my number on my last day and told me if I ever needed anything to give him a call. Well, I gave him a call two days ago and explained what was going on. He was really surprised to hear I got such a low evaluation on my ER rotation, because if he would have written it I would have received no lower than an A. I asked him if he would be willing to write me a letter of recommendation to bring to my CAP hearing - which he said he is really busy, but if he has the time he would love to write me one. I also spoke with one of the resident's during my OBGYN rotation, and another PA who I worked with during OBGYN about writing letters of recommendation. I'm hoping that all three will write me one, but if not all three - hopefully one of them will come through. 

My CAP meeting will be this upcoming Monday (11/21) at 2pm. If y'all have any prayers left in ya, please keep us in them. 

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I went to the Temple last night with the youth to do baptism for the dead. I hadn't been to the Temple since Megan and I went a year ago. I think it's easy to get distracted with the stress of life that sometimes we feel too overwhelmed to do anything that we should be doing (going to the Temple, reading our scriptures, praying... etc.). But as I stepped into the Temple last night, I felt the burden lighten, and the stress fade. I felt okay. And although I'm still filled with (you name the emotion) towards this situation, I was reminded about my purpose of this life. My purpose isn't to just get a good job or have an amazing successful career, but the eternal perspective is to prepare to meet my God. That he loves us. He knows how I feel, he knows how Megan feels. He has felt it and He is there to give us relief. I'm comforted in knowing that it will all work out, PA or not PA. I have several other options. 

I was speaking to my brother a week or so ago and he was in a tough spot, not feeling well emotionally. I wanted to send him an uplifting quote so I typed into google "uplifting quotes of hope" and I sent him this quote. 

“It may be safely assumed that no person has ever lived entirely free of suffering and tribulation. Nor has there ever been a period in human history that did not have its full share of turmoil, ruin, and misery.

“When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to think or speak the phrase, ‘Why me?’ Self-incrimination is a common practice, even when we may have had no control over our difficulty. …

“However, at times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, ‘Is there no balm in Gilead?’ We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone.

“To all who so despair, may I offer the assurance of the Psalmist’s words: ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning’ (Psalm 30:5).

“Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life’s fight, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome.”

—Thomas S. Monson, “Meeting Life’s Challenges,” Ensign, Nov. 1993, 68

I'm pretty sure this quote has helped me more the last week or so than it probably has helped my brother. 

Thank you all for your support and love. It is much appreciated. We will definitely keep you posted on what happens. 

Our tap water gives us the squirts.

Yep, you read that right. After two weeks of trying to force ourselves (me and Natalie, Sam had it right by day two) to acclimate to our NASTY water, I can make no other conclusion. We bought cases of bottled water, and then the section of my conscience labeled "Recycle, or else" started to get to me.

Introducing Miz Brita.

So far, so good.

Horsham, Pennsylvania

This last Saturday we planned a winner. Walmart, playground, Chick-fil-A. In a desperate effort to avoid an accident (Megan, not Natalie), we decided to find a Chick-fil-A outside of the mall food court in hopes of finding a play place. And that's how we found ourselves in Horsham.

Let me just say that the city we live in is not the biggest in the world, but it is the biggest and most highly concentrated place I've ever lived in. There are a lot of buses and sidewalks and gas stations, and you can find grass only if you look for it. The drive out to Horsham got better and better. Slowly there weren't any sidewalks and the buildings were replaced by green fields. The roads widened out and there were fewer and fewer traffic lights. And then like a shining beacon of realized dreams, we found the Chick-Fil-A, complete with play place, bathroom, and as a bonus, a Red Robin across the street.

We beat the lunch rush and found a great seat by the window where we could see at least 50 yards of grass (!) and watch the very occasional car pass on the distant road. Our food was hot and ready in record time, and was complete with a large peach milkshake. How could it get better?

By an employee bringing us a second milkshake for free of course!

It turned out that the play place was too big for Nat - she couldn't climb up the stairs to go down the slide. But apart from that, I think Sam said it best when he likened our experience to the cleansing, freeing feeling you get after going to church. But seriously! It was just wonderful to be out in the country again and feel the space that's there and drink not one, but two delicious milkshakes.

Oh, and as a side note, I feel pretty confident that I've heard of Horsham before, but I can't remember what for. A google search revealed that Horsham was voted 15th best place in the USA to live in 2007. That must have been it.

Family pictures

Our sweet friend Katy in our old Rexburg ward is a fantastic photographer and did some family pictures for us before we left. Michelle asked me how I felt about taking pictures while pregnant, and I boldly stated that I felt no shame or self-consciousnes in doing it, and why avoid it if it's such an integral part of the early days of your family, etc. And then I saw all the pictures. Haha. It confirmed a lot of fears and sneaky suspicions I had about what my body looks like right now. I'll never do it again is what I'm trying to say.

As a general rule, if I'm not in it, I love it.

Washington D.C. temple trip

The first full week that we lived in Pennsylvania, we took a trip down to D.C. to visit the temple there before it closes for a few months. Amber and Camden watched Natalie for the day and Sam and I made the two hour drive down to the temple. The drive really made us realize that we took our Rexburg temple for granted. It was one mile away, literally, for five years!

I wish I had the foresight to have my phone ready to take a picture when we first glimpsed the temple across the highway in the trees. It was breathtaking.

We were the only ones who didn't bring our own family names to do.... shame. We'll have some next time for sure. We did sealings for a while and then went and sat in the celestial room together. It was so special to be there where Mom and Dad were sealed. It was easy to think about eternity and be grateful that families are forever. And yes, I was misty like the entire time.

Also, the temple is HUGE! Seven floors!

Sam spent about thirteen years of his growing up within five minutes of the D.C. temple. He remembers that it looked just like a castle and always wanted to go inside. After we left, we hit up parts of his old stomping grounds and ate at Continental pizza. While it wasn't the tastiest pizza I've ever eaten, it was the most sentimental. That counts for something, right? Then we drove around and looked at the two houses he lived in in the area, the tennis court where his sister was bitten by a dalmatian, where he used to sit on the railroad tracks with his friends, and the front porch where he caught on fire. Good times were had.

A spoon parade is in order!

We have a big girl on our hands! Natalie has officially slept in a big girl bed for  5 naps and 4 nights. My baby is growing up!

And this. We went to a birthday party. I think she liked it.

Oh yeah, and I'm having a baby.

With five weeks to go in this pregnancy, I guess I should probably say something about it. Basically, it's been a breeze. Everything has been very routine, with no surprises whatsoever. Hooray! My feet hurt at the end of every day. My hands and feet and ankles haven't swollen at all compared to last time, hallelujah. As a general rule, sleeping hurts. My hips and knees and back are just creaky and sore all night. In other news,  I've also managed to not gain ten million pounds, believe it or not! Only like, one million pounds. Actually twenty if you really want to know.

Compared to last time, this pregnancy has really been on the back burner. With Nat, it was all we ever talked about or thought about. And now I don't have any more brains to think about anything. Ha. But really, life is a lot busier with one kid than with no kid, and between that and school and work, this little guy doesn't get quite as much as attention as Natalie in utero (sorry, too graphic?).

He's very active in the mornings and after supper until bedtime, with a LONG nap in the middle of the day. Maybe that's how he'll be when he comes! He likes to nestle his heels right in the top and center of my tummy and dig them in, probably causing severe internal bruising and definitely causing slight external soreness.

Names. Boy's names are SO much harder than girl's names. But we finally have a list! We have gone from zero options to about twenty and have it down to five. Sam would say three, but there's still technically five on the list. Hopefully we're not stealing anyone's favorite names for their kids (ahem, Bri), but we've got some pretty good options I think. And I'm not telling!

Yes, I've found a doctor for all of you concerned sisters of mine. My first appointment is August 17th. They're located right on the first floor of the hospital I'll be delivering at, which is 4 minutes away from where we live. Convenience at it's finest.

We bought a bag of newborn diapers and set up a second crib in Nat's room this week. I guess this is really happening!