Welp...

I wanted to explain the situation to all those who don't know the "why". It's kind of lengthy, but i'll try to keep it as short as possible. 

Note: My program requires you to have a 3.0 GPA by the end of didactic year to move forward to clinical year. During the didactic portion (first year), if you have a semester below a 3.0, you have the chance to bring that GPA back up to a 3.0 by the following semester. If you fail to do that, you are dismissed and brought before faculty (Committee of Academic Promotions) and from that point the faculty will hear you out and decide if they will readmit you, have you start the program completely over, or just kick you out. 

During didactic year, I struggled. The biggest learning curve I've probably ever had to deal with. Fall semester (first semester in PA school), I didn't do as well as I thought I would. My GPA fell below a 3.0 and I had to remediate Anatomy. After my remediation of Anatomy, my GPA went up to a 3.0 - although the overall GPA for my first semester stayed below a 3.0. 

During the following semester (spring), I had to get my GPA up above a 3.0. I wasn't too worried since I was meeting with tutors and my grades were improving greatly. During that semester I took a class called "behavioral science". The class grade was calculated based on our performance on three exams. The first and third test I got a B, but the second test being a complete outlier I failed miserably. I remember specifically Natalie and Ethan being up all night the night before that exam. That one test dropped my grade 11% and made it impossible to get a B in that course. The course ruined my GPA and brought me below a 3.0 (my GPA ended up being a 2.96). 

So I was sent to the CAP meeting. The faculty thankfully readmitted me. The stipulation was that I needed to have at least a 3.0 per term to continue forward in the program. 

Summer semester (last semester of didactic) - I did better. My GPA went up above a 3.0. So I finished my first year of PA school and wasn't worried about moving forward because the recently graduating class told our class not to worry about clinical portion due to the grading and how easy it would be to get As in the rotations. So I didn't worry. 

Two weeks before we started our rotations our faculty met with us and explained that they changed the entire clinical portion of our program. Starting with our class, we would be taking the end of rotation exams given by the PAEA. These are tests that several other schools use, but we would be compared nationally. At that time the school didn't even know how our grades would be calculated for such exams. The school doesn't have access to the questions on these exams, so they don't know exactly what we are tested on. The PAEA does have a topic list, that can help us while preparing for these tests. Our overall grade in the rotation would be calculated by three things. 

1. End of rotation exam score (40%). 

2. Preceptor evaluation (40%).

3. Assignment (20%)

Now the national average on the exams are extremely low. For example the ER end of rotation exam national average is a 72%. 

My first rotation (luck for me) was the ER. Typically during rotations preceptors (which can be a PA, NP, or MD/DO) will ask you questions. They refer to this as Pimping. So during my ER rotation, I was pimp'd on and off throughout. Now I wouldn't get every question right, but for the most part I got the majority right. After suturing patients, or putting on splints - my preceptor would always come in and after inspecting my work say, "Great job!". If I didn't know a question, I looked it up and told the preceptor later. I was constantly looking for things to do to help out. So to me, when I thought about my preceptor evaluation - I felt it would be an easy A. Cause I worked my tail off and couldn't think of anything else I could have done to be more productive or efficient. Well the rotation ended and I took my end of rotation exam. At this point in the program, the faculty told us they would accept one standard deviation from the national average as an acceptable score and we would pass the test. The lowest score being a 64%. These tests were very hard, and different than what we were used too. I scored below the national average (67%) for the ER exam, but I passed. I discussed with other students who took the ER exam, which they were both good students. One of them got a 69%, and the other got a 64%. So I faired well in comparison with the other students taking the same exam. The time came for me to receive my preceptor eval - I got an 80%. To my shock, I asked the faculty if she gave me any feedback. They told me that she didn't. I decided to email her (my preceptor) to ask how I could improve and do better in future rotations - she decided not to email me back and give me feedback, but decided to contact my program and let them know that she was upset that I emailed her.  On my assignment I got an 85%. So my overall grade ended up as a 76% (C). 

Now the first clinical rotation term only included Rotation 1 and rotation 2. So that meant if I got a C in rotation 1, I would need to get an A in rotation 2. If I got anything less than an A in rotation 2 - I would be kicked out. 

OBGYN, was my second rotation. I did well in it. Now, as you can all assume - not well enough, because I ended up with a B in my rotation. I got a 72% on my end of rotation exam, a 89.3% on my evaluation, and a 99% on my assignment. So my grade ended up being an 85% overall. 

The program told me Friday that I was dismissed and would have to go to the CAP meeting again to see if they would reinstate me. Now my GPA currently is a 2.94. I need a 3.0. During that Friday meeting I spoke with the faculty about maybe retaking my PAEA exams to see if I did better - which they declined because I already passed those exams and didn't qualify to retake them. 

During my ER rotation I worked with 4 different PAs. One of the PAs, took my number on my last day and told me if I ever needed anything to give him a call. Well, I gave him a call two days ago and explained what was going on. He was really surprised to hear I got such a low evaluation on my ER rotation, because if he would have written it I would have received no lower than an A. I asked him if he would be willing to write me a letter of recommendation to bring to my CAP hearing - which he said he is really busy, but if he has the time he would love to write me one. I also spoke with one of the resident's during my OBGYN rotation, and another PA who I worked with during OBGYN about writing letters of recommendation. I'm hoping that all three will write me one, but if not all three - hopefully one of them will come through. 

My CAP meeting will be this upcoming Monday (11/21) at 2pm. If y'all have any prayers left in ya, please keep us in them. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

I went to the Temple last night with the youth to do baptism for the dead. I hadn't been to the Temple since Megan and I went a year ago. I think it's easy to get distracted with the stress of life that sometimes we feel too overwhelmed to do anything that we should be doing (going to the Temple, reading our scriptures, praying... etc.). But as I stepped into the Temple last night, I felt the burden lighten, and the stress fade. I felt okay. And although I'm still filled with (you name the emotion) towards this situation, I was reminded about my purpose of this life. My purpose isn't to just get a good job or have an amazing successful career, but the eternal perspective is to prepare to meet my God. That he loves us. He knows how I feel, he knows how Megan feels. He has felt it and He is there to give us relief. I'm comforted in knowing that it will all work out, PA or not PA. I have several other options. 

I was speaking to my brother a week or so ago and he was in a tough spot, not feeling well emotionally. I wanted to send him an uplifting quote so I typed into google "uplifting quotes of hope" and I sent him this quote. 

“It may be safely assumed that no person has ever lived entirely free of suffering and tribulation. Nor has there ever been a period in human history that did not have its full share of turmoil, ruin, and misery.

“When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to think or speak the phrase, ‘Why me?’ Self-incrimination is a common practice, even when we may have had no control over our difficulty. …

“However, at times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, ‘Is there no balm in Gilead?’ We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone.

“To all who so despair, may I offer the assurance of the Psalmist’s words: ‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning’ (Psalm 30:5).

“Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life’s fight, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome.”

—Thomas S. Monson, “Meeting Life’s Challenges,” Ensign, Nov. 1993, 68

I'm pretty sure this quote has helped me more the last week or so than it probably has helped my brother. 

Thank you all for your support and love. It is much appreciated. We will definitely keep you posted on what happens. 

Our tap water gives us the squirts.

Yep, you read that right. After two weeks of trying to force ourselves (me and Natalie, Sam had it right by day two) to acclimate to our NASTY water, I can make no other conclusion. We bought cases of bottled water, and then the section of my conscience labeled "Recycle, or else" started to get to me.

Introducing Miz Brita.

So far, so good.

Horsham, Pennsylvania

This last Saturday we planned a winner. Walmart, playground, Chick-fil-A. In a desperate effort to avoid an accident (Megan, not Natalie), we decided to find a Chick-fil-A outside of the mall food court in hopes of finding a play place. And that's how we found ourselves in Horsham.

Let me just say that the city we live in is not the biggest in the world, but it is the biggest and most highly concentrated place I've ever lived in. There are a lot of buses and sidewalks and gas stations, and you can find grass only if you look for it. The drive out to Horsham got better and better. Slowly there weren't any sidewalks and the buildings were replaced by green fields. The roads widened out and there were fewer and fewer traffic lights. And then like a shining beacon of realized dreams, we found the Chick-Fil-A, complete with play place, bathroom, and as a bonus, a Red Robin across the street.

We beat the lunch rush and found a great seat by the window where we could see at least 50 yards of grass (!) and watch the very occasional car pass on the distant road. Our food was hot and ready in record time, and was complete with a large peach milkshake. How could it get better?

By an employee bringing us a second milkshake for free of course!

It turned out that the play place was too big for Nat - she couldn't climb up the stairs to go down the slide. But apart from that, I think Sam said it best when he likened our experience to the cleansing, freeing feeling you get after going to church. But seriously! It was just wonderful to be out in the country again and feel the space that's there and drink not one, but two delicious milkshakes.

Oh, and as a side note, I feel pretty confident that I've heard of Horsham before, but I can't remember what for. A google search revealed that Horsham was voted 15th best place in the USA to live in 2007. That must have been it.

Family pictures

Our sweet friend Katy in our old Rexburg ward is a fantastic photographer and did some family pictures for us before we left. Michelle asked me how I felt about taking pictures while pregnant, and I boldly stated that I felt no shame or self-consciousnes in doing it, and why avoid it if it's such an integral part of the early days of your family, etc. And then I saw all the pictures. Haha. It confirmed a lot of fears and sneaky suspicions I had about what my body looks like right now. I'll never do it again is what I'm trying to say.

As a general rule, if I'm not in it, I love it.

Washington D.C. temple trip

The first full week that we lived in Pennsylvania, we took a trip down to D.C. to visit the temple there before it closes for a few months. Amber and Camden watched Natalie for the day and Sam and I made the two hour drive down to the temple. The drive really made us realize that we took our Rexburg temple for granted. It was one mile away, literally, for five years!

I wish I had the foresight to have my phone ready to take a picture when we first glimpsed the temple across the highway in the trees. It was breathtaking.

We were the only ones who didn't bring our own family names to do.... shame. We'll have some next time for sure. We did sealings for a while and then went and sat in the celestial room together. It was so special to be there where Mom and Dad were sealed. It was easy to think about eternity and be grateful that families are forever. And yes, I was misty like the entire time.

Also, the temple is HUGE! Seven floors!

Sam spent about thirteen years of his growing up within five minutes of the D.C. temple. He remembers that it looked just like a castle and always wanted to go inside. After we left, we hit up parts of his old stomping grounds and ate at Continental pizza. While it wasn't the tastiest pizza I've ever eaten, it was the most sentimental. That counts for something, right? Then we drove around and looked at the two houses he lived in in the area, the tennis court where his sister was bitten by a dalmatian, where he used to sit on the railroad tracks with his friends, and the front porch where he caught on fire. Good times were had.

A spoon parade is in order!

We have a big girl on our hands! Natalie has officially slept in a big girl bed for  5 naps and 4 nights. My baby is growing up!

And this. We went to a birthday party. I think she liked it.

Oh yeah, and I'm having a baby.

With five weeks to go in this pregnancy, I guess I should probably say something about it. Basically, it's been a breeze. Everything has been very routine, with no surprises whatsoever. Hooray! My feet hurt at the end of every day. My hands and feet and ankles haven't swollen at all compared to last time, hallelujah. As a general rule, sleeping hurts. My hips and knees and back are just creaky and sore all night. In other news,  I've also managed to not gain ten million pounds, believe it or not! Only like, one million pounds. Actually twenty if you really want to know.

Compared to last time, this pregnancy has really been on the back burner. With Nat, it was all we ever talked about or thought about. And now I don't have any more brains to think about anything. Ha. But really, life is a lot busier with one kid than with no kid, and between that and school and work, this little guy doesn't get quite as much as attention as Natalie in utero (sorry, too graphic?).

He's very active in the mornings and after supper until bedtime, with a LONG nap in the middle of the day. Maybe that's how he'll be when he comes! He likes to nestle his heels right in the top and center of my tummy and dig them in, probably causing severe internal bruising and definitely causing slight external soreness.

Names. Boy's names are SO much harder than girl's names. But we finally have a list! We have gone from zero options to about twenty and have it down to five. Sam would say three, but there's still technically five on the list. Hopefully we're not stealing anyone's favorite names for their kids (ahem, Bri), but we've got some pretty good options I think. And I'm not telling!

Yes, I've found a doctor for all of you concerned sisters of mine. My first appointment is August 17th. They're located right on the first floor of the hospital I'll be delivering at, which is 4 minutes away from where we live. Convenience at it's finest.

We bought a bag of newborn diapers and set up a second crib in Nat's room this week. I guess this is really happening!

We moved!

We did it! We moved from our quiet, cozy Rexburg to Roslyn, Pennsylvania, not far from the Philadelphia border. Let's me just state for the record that moving is probably the most inconvenient and just plain annoying thing I've ever done. From the packing and cleaning, to the displacing of our whole family into other people's houses (thanks Shell and Ams!), and to add to the list of annoyances, Nat got Fifths disease in the midst of it all. Not something I'd like to do again anytime soon, thanks.

Pulling up to our new apartment was underwhelming, to say the least. It looked a little run down and crowded. Our apartment was older than I expected and it was dirty. And then the smell. WOW the smell. It was SO BAD! A mix of mold and stinky people and maybe something dead. I called Mom in tears that night because we had just moved our little family into a dumpster where we were sentenced to stay for the next two years. She told me to go to bed and call her in the morning. Wise advice. Everything was a little brighter looking after a good night's rest in my own bed.

Sam saved the day with several fresh linen scented air wicks, and after a good scrubbing it wasn't too bad at all. And it starts to feel more and more like home with every 'first' we get through - first time making cookies, first time dropping a scrambled egg under the burner, first time the bathroom got stunk up, first time for family movie night, etc.

Our ward is just WONDERFUL. Four or five guys showed up and moved us in in about twenty minutes, and then one of their wives dropped off supper for us later. It's nice to see old people again on a regular basis, and there are more than two kids in nursery! There are actually fifteen kids. Natalie loves it. Everyone is really friendly and welcoming. The sameness of the gospel is a really great blessing and comfort when nothing else in our whole lives is the same.

Natalie's room. By far, the most finished room in our house. Also the biggest I think.

On a walk around our complex - getting the lay of the land. It's hilly.

From the front. Well, the front of our apartment. Ha.

"Ours!" says Natalie every time we come home.

The view from one of Natalie's windows. Yes, that's the free community garden we'll use next summer!

More pictures to come! I think we're going to be ok!

Somewhat of an update

 It's been a very long time since we have blogged, and I didn't want to hit the year mark (last time we blogged was June 8th 2014, ouch) We have been extremely busy this past year. But it truly has been a great year. Heavenly Father has given us so many blessings to be grateful for!

As I was looking at our blog - I noticed a picture of Natalie when she was 8ish months old. She is wearing her little zebra pants. Well, today - Megan got super ambitious and started packing for our move to Philadelphia and Natalie so happened to find those little zebra pants. These pants compared to how big Natalie is currently are so small! So I wanted to share some updated photos of our beautiful growing daughter.

Family trip to Mesa Falls! It was a blast. We will need to blog about this at some point in the future.

bed head

someone had a cookie...

Matching double chins

Never a dull moment at the dinner table

"whatcha doin'..." 

I love Natalie so much. She is so funny! She is really good at finding out what makes Megan and I laugh too - and once she knows, she will do it over and over. I think it's great.

And here is a cool 3D picture of our son! We can't be more happy and excited to meet this little guy in Sept.

And, I wanted to share a picture of a cheesesteak I had while I was interviewing at Salus. Man.. it was dang good. Although we are going to be super poor, I am looking forward to having at least one more of these bad boys.

All in all - life is wonderful. God is good. 

Shadowing!

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of shadowing my dad at the hospital he works at. It was an AWESOME trip. It was really interesting to see my dad at work.

In surgery, my dad's job is to put the patients to sleep and then monitor their blood pressure, heart rate, pain level, etc. He has a pretty intense job, because he needs to know what medicines do what to keep the patient stable. In all of the surgeries we stood at the top of the table near the anesthesia machine. Not sure what you call it. Anyway - here are the surgeries I was able to see. Forgive me for the details and for my lack of medical knowledge. I have no idea what they call the majority of the instruments they use.

Surgeries:

1. Fracture - they pushed the bones back together. This surgery was extremely short. Maybe 10-15 min once started.

2. This lady had a big cyst on her thumb and needed to have it operated on. I'm not quite sure what they did, because when they finished it still looked the same. But I didn't say anything. They knew what they were doing, right? She also woke up VERY grumpy from the anesthesia. She ended up scratching one of the anesthesia techs pretty bad. She also ended up ripping out her stitches and had to be restitched.

3. The next one was an appendectomy. They ended up sticking what looked like three huge, round, metal pipes into the patients abdomen. Then they threaded two of the tubes with big sticks with cameras on the end. A third stick looked like it had a crab claw on the end of it. They filled the abdomen with gas to expand the stomach, looked around for the appendix, and cut it off. The bagging part of the appendix was really neat.

4. A lady had kidney stones that needed blasting. It sounds a lot more interesting then it really is. It took a very long time, and we had to wear x-ray suits to prevent us from getting exposed to radiation. I didn't like it - we had to wear these goggles to protect our eyes from the blasting laser that they use. I couldn't wear the goggles and my glasses, so I could barely see anything.

5. A 25 year old male got into a really bad car accident. My dad got called in to see what was going on and to prepare for surgery. There is nothing like being called in to an emergency case. It just feels awesome. I wanted to put sirens on my dads car.

When we showed up, the guy was in the ER. Blood was everywhere and his tibia was sticking out of his leg. He had pretty bad wounds on his face that they had to stitch up. He had a pneumothorax, which is a collapsed lung, and to fix it they put a tube in his chest. They took him back for a CT scan to see if he was bleeding in his brain and luckily, he wasn't. He was having issues with the circulation in his leg, so after the scan they took him back to the operating room. They had to basically re-wire his circulation to get blood down to his foot. My dad wasn't in charge that day, so another anesthesiologist, Shane, (who happens to be LDS), took the case, though we did get to take over when he went on his lunch break.

It was cool to see that surgery. They had his leg completely open. It was intense. This case had an impact on me for several reasons. One, he was 25 - I'm 25. I'm actually only 10 days older than him. Two, he got up that morning, took a shower, ate breakfast, went to work, had some lunch and then EVERYTHING changed. Life is so fragile. We never know what is going to happen. I found out later that they were considering amputating his foot, because they were having difficulty rewiring the circulation. I never found out what actually happened because my trip ended. Fortunately, he lived, which was a surprise to most of the doctors. According to my dad, his medical bills would have been around $300,000 after all the surgery and tests. Insane.

6. The other surgery was the guy on the other end of the same wreck. He was conscious and his tibia was also broken, but not nearly as bad as the other patient. He was a super nice guy and you could tell he was just annoyed that the wreck happened. We just cleaned his wound and scheduled him to come back later in the week.

On Wednesday my dad was working at the medical surgical center instead of the hospital.

1. He had three carpal tunnel cases. We didn't get to watch the actual surgery, but he was in charge of putting in the nerve blocks for these.

In order to put in the blocks, he used an ultrasound machine. He would goop them with gel, and place the little ultrasound transducer up to their neck and for their nerves. Once found, he would stick a needle into their neck and inject them with medicine that would numb their arm for the surgery. It was awesome. Medical technology is really cool.

I had a great time. I would love to be able to go back and watch more.

I needed a laugh today.

Gordon B Hinckley - funny

Jungle Fever

Gotta love zebra stripes.

Tub time!

Natalie is just too big for the baby tub. She had her first big girl bath this week. True love.

I think she looks like her Mama in this picture. Just sayin'.

Mothers' Day

Mothers'? Mother's? I think both are right.

Anyway, it was great. Sam fed the baby in the morning, and I slept in til NINE O' CLOCK. Just wonderful.

After my Relief Society presidency meeting, Sam broke out the goodies.

It's a Willow Tree figurine!! I love these babies. When I'm fabulously wealthy I'm going to have all of them. This one is called "Our Gift."

 We ate lasagna and corn and applesauce for supper, and went to bed early. It was a perfect, perfect day.

And here's to this little lady for making it all possible.

BEST.DAY.EVER.

These are all so wonderful that I'm not sure if I can rank them in order of awesomeness.

NATALIE CUT HER FIRST LITTLE TOOTHY!!! I discovered it as I was babysitting. Both children were screaming, Natalie because it was 30 minutes past naptime and I forgot the sucker, and the other kid because Natalie was causing such a ruckus. I put the other kid back in his bed and attempted to use my pinkie finger as a sucker for Natalie, and she bit me!! It hurt so good! You can't see it very well, so you'll all just have to come visit to take a look-see.

I SAW A WOOD CHUCK! ON MY RUN! Or a groundhog or a gopher or something. I can't prove it, you'll just have to believe me. But I did! It ran right up next to the road and sniffed around and then disappeared into a hole. I'll have to go back and get photographic evidence of his escape route.

And in conclusion, I get to pass these when I run. Doesn't get better than that.

*This just in. After extensive research involving Google images, it can be confirmed that what I spotted was indeed a wood chuck.

Carpe diem, dog.

A couple of great things have happened today. Number one. I was boiling macaroni and only had to taste one noodle because I boiled it for the exact perfect amount without even trying. I think I'll be an Iron Chef one day. Number two. Natalie is wearing magenta rompers. Wear them while you can. Number three. I had a carpe diem success. Here's the story.

First of all, I don't really think that carpe diem is a good motto for life, or for raising children. But I do think that every once in a while, it's smart to not worry about everything that you could be worrying about and just love what's happening (aka carpe diem...), but just once in a while.

I was boiling previously mentioned macaroni when little Natalie decided it was nap time, in a big way. I scooped her up with the intention of keeping her happy for the next eight minutes while I finished the noodles, then it's nap time. She would have none of it. So, I turned the burner down to what I hoped was low enough to not have my noodles boil over, and we went to go rock.

I was rushing the rocking to get back to my pot, and so when I put Natalie down she cried and cried and cried. And I thought, what the heck. I'm going to rock my baby to sleep.

And so we rocked and swayed and hummed and rocked, and she was out within four minutes.

Did I have to change the foil under the burners? Yes. Did my pot run out of water? Almost. But I soaked in a moment that I would have squandered otherwise. She'll only be seven months and one day once, and she is already almost too big for her romper.

I don't know how to wrap up the story, so here's some pictures.